Monday, February 20, 2012

They Can Give The Artist 10,000 Awards, It Still Blows: My Oscar Predictions 2012

We’ve endured the Golden Globes (a totally meaningless award), The SAG Awards (the Pro Bowl of award shows), The Directors Guild and Writers Guild Awards (these shows are not on television because most guild members don’t own tuxedos) and the only one that really counts: The Online Film Critics Society Awards (held every year at the Chilis in Fort Wayne, Indiana, but they make good choices and the fajitas are awesome).

Soon it will be Oscar night and, according to custom, here are my predictions for this year’s fete. My track record is pretty good, although picking The King’s Speech last year was hardly an act of courageous genius. This year is tougher because there are two really good films, Tree of Life and The Descendants. Of course they may not win anything because The Artist has sucked all the air out of the room. And sucked is the proper verb. It's a classic anti-intellectual backlash; people who didn't get Tree of Life - and there are a lot of them - are jumping on The Artist's bandwagon to prove they are hip and edgy. They know nothing about REAL silent films, but it had James Cromwell and a dog and some French guy so it must be cool.

Anyway here are my picks…along with what SHOULD win:

Best Picture

Will Win: The Artist (Because it will really piss me off)

Should Win: Either Tree of Life or The Descendents would be OK. The Artist isn’t fit to lick the sprocket holes of either one.

Actor in a Leading Role

Will Win: That clown from the Artist. Actually this makes sense; his English is so terrible he’s no threat to the other actors. My theory has long been that Academy members vote for people unlikely to take work from them.

Should Win: I’m equally split between Clooney and Pitt. Clooney was great in The Descendents but Pitt had two awesome projects in theaters this year. Unfortunately, the two guys will likely cancel each other out.

Actress in a Leading Role

Will Win: Viola Davis, The Help

Should Win: Viola Davis. Yea! They get one right!

Actor in a Supporting Role

Will Win: Christopher Plummer, Beginners. I slept through this movie but Mrs. Undies liked it.

Should Win: The dog from The Artist. Best actor in the whole stupid mess.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Will Win: Octavia Spencer, The Help (and I’d be OK with that)

Should Win: Melissa McCarthy. Bridesmaids should get something, don’cha think?


Will Win: Emmanuel Lubezki, Tree of Life

Should Win: Emmanuel Lubezki. Hopefully the cameramen have not lost their minds. If they have  Hollywood is in deep dookie.


Will Win: The DGA threw me a major curve by giving it to The Artist (Dude, WTF?) so expect the Academy to follow suit.

Should Win: Terrence Malik

As for the other categories, don’t really care.

The good news is, by this time next week movie award madness for 2012 will all be over. And there was great rejoicing.

In fact, when it comes to the Academy Awards, Clair says it best:

Molly Sez, animation


Bob of Holland said...

:) Can't we make a special award for Tree of Life? The Bunchie!

Runner Up as Best Christmas Movie ever: Hugo.

Bunched Undies said...

Great Idea Bob! A pair of gold-plated, rumpled up boxer shorts. And all the stars would walk the red carpet their designer undies...

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